So our idea pretty much fell apart last Tuesday. Basically, it wasn't working. As an instructor there would be absolutely no reason why she would crash or let Malcolm crash. And if we were looking at it that realistically, a parachute wouldn't fail either and if it did, there's a back up parachute... So the instructor-pupil relationship wasn't really working. In fact, it caused more problems than it solved. It took away the possibility of crashing.
Another problem with the story was where we wanted Malcolm to try and impress Kat. If he signed up for instructions/to be taught, he wouldn't be able to do those tricks. And Kat should have been giving more signals to him and generally not let him out of her sight.
We also suspected that because the characters were a male and a female, people assumed there must be some sort of relationship there in a more than friends way. Originally, we just wanted them to be friends. Competitive friends. No hint of any romance. However, the stereotypical idea that guys and girls can't just be friends has an element of truth to it. Not because a boy and a girl really can't be just friends but because people on the outside can't see them as just friends. For some reason it is generally assumed that one of them at the very least must be attracted to the other. I'm sure many people have had this assumption on them and their friends at some point. I know I have, my childhood best friend was a boy and there was nothing else.
SO! One of the main changes we've made is the characters are now both male. They are also brothers and as such are competitive because sibling rivalry is just natural. We wanted a simple relationship between the characters (just friends!) but it was becoming a chore and not fun so this should hopefully be simple but satisfactory.
The new idea takes bits and pieces from the other ideas plus a new one (my other half showed me the movie Point Break and now that we got this relationship mess sorted, I was influenced by the particular dare scene shown below).
Malcolm and Aaron are set in the doorway of the plane getting ready to jump. Aaron is the leader of sorts out of the brothers, he's always teasing Malcolm and instigating the scuffs and quarrels between them but is not malicious. He playfully shoves Malcolm, pretending to push him out of the plane. This scares Malcolm a bit and when he recovers, he 'backslaps' Aaron on the arm. Aaron laughs and punches Malcolm in the arm. Before Malcolm can retaliate Aaron drops out of the plane. Frustrated, Malcolm follows.
Malcolm is doing a standard skydive pose (on his stomach), pretty content with himself until he notices Aaron has a guitar out. He plays a bit and looks at Malcolm, waiting. Malcolm brings out a banjo and plays a bit back. They start duelling and end up play together. Very much like the duelling banjos and guitars in the films Deliverance and August Rush (Clips below). Aaron plays with one hand and Malcolm retaliates by playing with no hands, which results in him losing the banjos. Aaron looks victorious and checks his altimeter. He idly tosses his guitar aside and indicates to Malcolm, pointing at the altimeter to sign that it's time to pull the parachutes.
Malcolm goes to pull his when he sees Aaron making chicken gestures at him. He stops, almost disbelieving that his brother being serious. He considers and then gestures to Aaron to say 'after you'. Aaron pretends to go to pull his but makes a show of 'bailing' out. Malcolm shows some annoyance and looks down, the ground is getting closer. He looks back at Aaron who is now gesturing to Malcolm to pull his. Malcolm looks suitably uncomfortable but decides he isn't going to back down, despite impending doom. Aaron looks down and then back at Malcolm but appears calm. Malcolm is starting to look nervous, he tries to maintain his determination. The ground is getting closer. Malcolm shuts his eyes and the screen cuts to black. The sounds of parachutes being released can be heard. Then an impact with a tree sound.
Both are hanging by their backpacks and strings. Malcolm looks pretty rough and is recovering from the terror. Aaron looks up and shakes his head, not as rough as Malcolm. He notices his brother's state and laughs, punching him in the arm again. Malcolm flips and hits him back. They start hitting out at each other and the animation ends there.
We're hoping that the tutors like this idea because we're not really willing to change it (tweaks are fine) as we have two weeks until the deadline and we have our work cut out for us now because of this re-write. Rachel is working on Aaron now while I start making some final sketches and concepts for the final document and pitch document. Once she's done that we're going to start looking at storyboards and animatics.
Here are all the clips we've been looking at as research and inspiration:
Point Break - Sky Dive scene:
Rachel imagines that Malcolm and Aaron's brotherly relationship would be similar to the brothers Dean and Sam from Supernatural, after watching this I agree!